I've been going through a bout of depression for a couple of weeks now. And yesterday (Saturday) was just not a good day. At one point, I texted Bobby to say "I'm ready to move home now."
What brought that on? Well you know how sometimes it's the littlest things. Or a combination of a bunch of little things.
A week and a half ago, I submitted my residency application. Required in the packet was my passport. Not a biggy. I thought. Last Sunday, on my birthday, my Ohio driver license expired, so yesterday I went to get my New Zealand driver license. And guess what I need in order to make that happen - not just my Ohio driver license, but my passport too. And a photo of the ID page wasn't sufficient. So, no license. And did I mention that, on the Immigration New Zealand website, they give an estimate for processing residency applications of 7-8 months? I had been told by a few co-workers that their own residency application took 2-3 weeks. So now, I can't drive in New Zealand because I don't have a current valid license. I can't get a license because I don't have my passport. And I potentially don't have my passport for 7-8 months. Which means I also can't come home to the US for even a visit. It all just got to me.
I've also been feeling stupid at work. There are days that I feel I can't do anything right. I know I'm my own harshest critic, but I'm wondering if I'm a good fit.
And, the studio apartment has started feeling less like home and more like a motel room.
I'm also starting to wonder - am I sticking it out just to meet some lofty goal of getting a residency visa in another country? Or do I really want to be here?
Of course, all of this could just be a result of it being winter here. But I feel kind of at a loss.
For now, I'm just going to try to make it one day at a time. And call the immigration department to see if the 7-8 months thing is really the estimate - and if so, do they really need my passport that whole time.
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