The Adventure Comes to an End

Fifteen or more years ago, when I would have a bad day at work, I would jokingly say "I'm going to chuck it all and move to New Zealand and raise sheep!"

Twelve years ago, when W was reelected president, I started investigating immigration options in Canada - and New Zealand.

Three years ago, Bobby and I started talking seriously about possibly moving to New Zealand.

Two and a half years, Bobby and I, along with Mike C. and Todd, journeyed to New Zealand for vacation and scouting trip.

One and a half years ago, I moved in New Zealand to start getting things set up for Bobby to join me a few months later.

Today, I gave my notice at my job.
I'm moving back to Columbus mid- to late-August.

This was such a hard decision to make. I really, really love working at Vista. But my personal life has become too much of a struggle without Bobby. I just don't feel the thrill of being here anymore. I'm lonely and terribly depressed and I don't see that ever changing while I'm here. Not to mention how expensive everything is here, especially housing. I am paying more, even after currency conversion, for my one bedroom apartment here than I pay on my mortgage for my 2 story house in Columbus. And buying is completely out of the question, since the price for an entry level "starter home" is now averaging $600,000 (in NZ dollars).

So this week I finally made the decision to move back. My apartment lease is up on August 15, so that was a big driving factor. Instead of renewing a lease or moving to another place, I think it's time to go home.

Last night, I slept like a rock. And had the most bizarre epic dream. In one part, I was preparing to perform (sing) in a talent show. And for my costume, I was wearing some bizarre take on Wendy (from the restaurant company where I used to work). And I was SO happy in the dream. After waking up and thinking it through, I put together that the singing and the Wendy's symbol were things that were very familiar to me.  And those familiar things were making me very happy. And so being among familiar things is what I need. (NOTE this does NOT mean I am returning to work at Wendy's). I need my family and my friends and my house and my kids.

It is going to be so difficult to say goodbye to my Vista family. They have been such great people to work with. And they've provided me so much support after Bobby's death. But I really feel like this is what I need to do - and everyone seems to understand completely.

So the next few weeks will be interesting. Trying to offload some of the things I've bought while here. Shipping a bunch of stuff (mostly books and clothes) back. Trying to find a job in Columbus (I would appreciate any leads or help in this matter!).

Stay tuned...

The Icky, Horrible, Very Poopy Day

I've been going through a bout of depression for a couple of weeks now. And yesterday (Saturday) was just not a good day.  At one point, I texted Bobby to say "I'm ready to move home now."

What brought that on?  Well you know how sometimes it's the littlest things. Or a combination of a bunch of little things.

A week and a half ago, I submitted my residency application. Required in the packet was my passport. Not a biggy. I thought. Last Sunday, on my birthday, my Ohio driver license expired, so yesterday I went to get my New Zealand driver license. And guess what I need in order to make that happen - not just my Ohio driver license, but my passport too. And a photo of the ID page wasn't sufficient. So, no license. And did I mention that, on the Immigration New Zealand website, they give an estimate for processing residency applications of 7-8 months? I had been told by a few co-workers that their own residency application took 2-3 weeks.  So now, I can't drive in New Zealand because I don't have a current valid license. I can't get a license because I don't have my passport. And I potentially don't have my passport for 7-8 months. Which means I also can't come home to the US for even a visit. It all just got to me.

I've also been feeling stupid at work. There are days that I feel I can't do anything right. I know I'm my own harshest critic, but I'm wondering if I'm a good fit.

And, the studio apartment has started feeling less like home and more like a motel room.

I'm also starting to wonder - am I sticking it out just to meet some lofty goal of getting a residency visa in another country? Or do I really want to be here?

Of course, all of this could just be a result of it being winter here. But I feel kind of at a loss.

For now, I'm just going to try to make it one day at a time. And call the immigration department to see if the 7-8 months thing is really the estimate - and if so, do they really need my passport that whole time.

The Past 72 Hours

What a busy 3 days...

On Friday, we had a full day of training sessions, across multiple tracks.  It was called "Vista Ed," and it was just one more bit of evidence of how my company is devoted to training its employees.  At session two, I won a company t-shirt!

After picking up my t-shirt at the marketing department, the receptionist, Lydia, stopped me because I had a package that had been delivered.  My care package from Bobby!  Its main purpose was to transport all of my required documentation for the residency application.  But Bobby added lots of fun stuff too - mardi gras beads, my little stuffed gargoyle, the framed photo of our house in a snowfall - and the new red converse sneakers he bought for me for an early birthday present!  Plus, cards from him and our kids.  They made me tear up.

Continuing the day, we converged on the ground floor for our catered lunch.  I got mine, and I went  to where several of my team members were already congregating.  I opened my box up, and there was a slip of paper.  I read it and it said the recipient was the winner of the laptop to be given away that day....  WHAT?!?  I really was in shock and disbelief for a few minutes.  Everyone around me was cheering, which caused the development director and organizer of the training day to come my way with my new laptop!  I'm still in shock about it.

At the end of the day, we had our normal post-work-week beers, wine, and snacks.  After that, I returned to my apartment, made a grilled-cheese-and-ham, and packed for my weekend away.  At 10:00 pm, I was on board the bus to Rotorua, where my friend Martin was waiting for me to transport me to his bach ("vacation home") on Lake Rotoiti.  It was such a nice relaxing weekend.  Eating, reading by the fire, napping - repeat.  It was so nice.

We got back into town this afternoon (Sunday).  And I immediately headed downtown for some errands.  I had prescriptions to fill, and passport photos to get made.  I also got some highlighters, binder clips, and paper clips.  There are two types of stores that I love - hardware and office supplies.  For some reason they're like toy stores to me.  I got my prescriptions, my photos, my office supplies - and returned home to shower and take myself to dinner at my favorite weekend place, Galbraith's Ale House.  Bangers and mash for dinner, and a couple of in-house-brewed XPAs to accompany.

What a great weekend. I hope the week ahead, when I finalize all the packaging of my residency app, doesn't erase the wonderfulness.

Getting Back on Track

I'm enjoying a quiet final evening of a long 4-day Easter weekend.  And even though I spent it all by myself, it gave me lots of time to think.  And I realized that I've allowed myself to become distracted from some of my goals I had set for myself, not least of which was being more physically active.  Ever since I had a small spill on my scooter, which may have now been 4 weeks ago, I hadn't been doing any of the situps and pushups that I had been doing.  And my walking had really gotten almost non-existent.  So, this weekend I've refocused those efforts.
 

On Saturday, I decided that I wanted to go to the Westfield St. Lukes mall.  And I could have easily taken a bus.  But I decided to walk there instead.  I'm including a map that shows the route and approximate distance (in km). 3.7 km is roughly 2 1/4 miles.  I'm not sure of the time, but 44 minutes is probably a good estimate.  When I got there, the first thing I did was go to the cinema to see if anything was playing that I wanted to see.  The new Spongebob movie was there, so I watched it, and it was ... meh.  The TV show used to make me cackle, but the movie was really targeting a "different demographic," we'll say.  After the movie, I did some shopping - and bought a fall jacket and a really awesome "leather" coat with a zip-in hoodie attachment.  That will make scootering in the upcoming cooler weather a little more comfortable. So with my purchases, I decided to be lazy and take the bus home.

Today, I decided I wanted to get a USB charger cable for my iPod, and I knew I would head to the Dick Smith electronics store downtown.  And I decided to walk that too.  It's a fairly easy downhill walk the whole way.  I got my cable, and some new earbuds, and then headed back.  And I decided to walk back home too.  On the way, I stopped at the Whitcoul's book store, and picked up the Inferno paperback by Dan Brown, the author who wrote DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons.  About the only reading I've done since I've been here has been technical or otherwise instructional, including starting into The Joy of Cooking. So I decided I needed a new novel.  I got that, and then made the trek home.  As I said, the walk TO downtown is a nice, easy, downhill walk.  But the walk FROM downtown is a nice, sometimes challenging, uphill walk.  I've done it a few times before, but today seemed a bit more challenging.  But I did it.  And 2.6 km both ways works out to be just shy of 3 1/4 miles round trip.

Also today, I started back up with my pushups and situps.  I have apps for both activities on my phone, and I opted to start from the very beginning with each all over again.  And it's a good thing I did, because the Week 1-Day 1 programs were a bit of a challenge.  Not TOO hard, but I could definitely tell it had been weeks since I had last done them.  Now I just need to be more consistent.

I'm also trying to shift my focus onto more intellectual exercises too.  Having an actual chair to sit at my desk with certainly helps.  So instead of sprawled on the bed staying online, I'm going to try to hit my technical studies hard again.  Because in my field, it's impossible to keep up.  But I have to do the best I can to do just that.

Maybe someday my social life will actually become existent.  But for now, I'm going to try to stop obsessing about how it HASN'T happened yet.

Feeling a Bit Better

Although money doesn't buy happiness, it CAN occasionally relieve depression a bit.
Today I was still feeling a bit down.  I slept until 10:something, when I was awakened by my grocery delivery guy.  After I got my stuff in the door, I at first laid down to go back to sleep.  When I noticed that it was in fact after 11:30, I got up and went to my favorite coffee shop for lunch.
From there, I forced myself into the barber shop just down the street from the coffee shop.  It was the first time in my adult life that I've gone to a barber shop to get my hairs cut.  But a) it was convenient and I didn't need an appointment, and b) it was $25 compared to the $55 the nearest stylist (who seems to be open for a grand total of 7 hours a week) charges.  Since I'm living on a lower income here than in the states, I have to make my money go farther.  And the guy did a good job.
From there, I came back to my apartment, and went back to bed, and napped for a couple of hours.
When I woke up, I decided I needed to get out and do something.  But where to go?  Walk down to the CityLink bus, and head downtown?  Ride the scooter to Ponsonby Rd, and then to the hardware store for some drain cleaner?  (did I mention what an exciting life I lead?)  I finally decided to head to the Target Furniture Hypermart.  I don't think they are affiliated with the Target stores in the States, but their logo and branding are sure similar.  I have been wanting to get a chair and a night stand for my little studio apartment.  And I found each.  And they deliver.  So sometime Wednesday, my little studio is going to start feeling a bit less like a motel room and more like my home.
From there, I decided to do a bit more retail therapy, and headed to the Westfield Mall in St. Lukes.  I bought a couple of t-shirts, and just sauntered around for a bit.
I am frequently reminded that when I get out of my little space, I feel better.  Why don't I remember that all the time?  I wish there was a place that I occasionally could just go to with my laptop and hang out for a few hours, and not feel odd doing it.  I could probably do that at my coffee shop.  i just haven't yet.
Last night, I was actually feeling so blue, that I was thinking maybe I should just get ready to head back.  But today, at Westfield, I found myself looking at all sorts of stuff that I would want to equip my next home, when I am in more than a studio.  So for now, I still want to be here.

Blecch

Another Friday night in Auckland.  By myself.
For some reason, it's really getting to me tonight. I'm lonely.  I don't feel like I'm making any friends.  Not that I'm actually putting myself out anywhere.  I remember when I first moved to Columbus, I think it was something like 6 months before I actually started to make friends.  So why am I starting to freak out after being here 2 months.  2 months and 2 weeks actually.
I'm feeling tired too.
And the days are getting shorter.
Blah blah blah.
I guess I should accept an occasional down day in the midst of all the up days.
And tomorrow, after a night's sleep, I fully expect that my mood will have improved, and I'll back in-it-to-win-it.
And besides, it's not like the US feels like a place I want to be any more.  What just happened in Indiana can happen in any state, including Ohio.

Almost 4 Weeks

Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks since I arrived in New Zealand.  I know I haven’t blogged much lately, and I’m not sure why.  But here it is Saturday night, and I’m home watching TV and now writing a bit.

Today was great.  I went to the Auckland Art Gallery for the exhibit called “Light Show.”  I’ve been wanting to go, and it ends tomorrow, so I made it down today.  I absolutely loved it.  I won’t try to explain it using arty terms, but it was multiple installations using light as a sculptural and/or structural medium.  There were a couple of pieces that I thought were silly that could have been conceived and executed by anyone (the nominal three were long florescent tubes – one, then 2, then 3, mounted vertically - and that was it).  But most of them were so creative.  One of them formed what looked from the front to be a three dimensional sculpture created with light and fog.  Another used strobe light to stop-action water, so that the droplets appeared frozen.  I was so enthralled by most of the pieces.

After that, I had a coffee and cookie, then went to the Warehouse store to buy more kitchen stuff, then came home, took a nap, cooked dinner, and now watching TV.

Earlier this week – I got my scooter!  Yay!  I really, really, love riding my scooter.  I took a nice ride to Mission Bay, which is east of downtown Auckland, and then further to Achille’s Point.  Beautiful views.  As I was preparing to leave Achille’s Point, I saw some people who had just discovered that their car window had been broken out.  So, crime does happen here too, unfortunately.  (No, I did not expect that crime was non-existent here, but it is a smack in the head to see it).

I completed my third week of work.  Still going well, learning more every day about the software I have to maintain.  It’s a huge code base, so I have to keep reminding myself to not expect that I will know it all anytime soon.  The best I can do is just dive in and keep trying.

Tomorrow is Sunday.  The bike store close to my apartment is having a sale, so I’m going to try to go there and look at getting a bike.  Their sign says “50% off entire store!”  Yeah, we’ll see.

And still don’t have internet in my apartment.  But at least the installation contractor called me on Wednesday.  I guess I’ll need to make some calls on Monday to see what’s up.